A few weeks ago, I booked myself a long-weekend trip to San Sebastian, one of the most beautiful coastal cities in Northern Spain. I was psyched to go - I had big plans to go surfing, devour more than my fair share of pintxos (Basque version of Tapas), and get lost wandering through the medieval old town. Unfortunately, I got sick a few days before, and despite my most valiant efforts to get myself to San Sebastian (including two missed trains!), it seemed like my body (and the Spanish train schedule) was just telling me “no”. Much to my disappointment, I ended up spending most the weekend in bed, trying to recover from what turned out to be Strep throat.
As disappointed as I was - and still am - to have missed an opportunity to explore such an amazing new place, I also feel that this was an important learning experience for me. I ended up getting sick three times last month, with back-to-back bouts of a flu-like virus, Strep, and then a sinus infection (which is when I finally caved and saw a doctor!). After spending most of April sick, I realized that something needed to change. All the excitement of my new life had left me neglecting to take care of myself. My (very) inconsistent sleep schedule, changes in diet, and all the environmental changes my body was exposed to seemed to have finally caught up to me. When I finally began to feel healthy again, I made a commitment to try to prioritize self-care a little more. No more dancing till 4am on weeknights! More home cooking and less eating out. And worst of all, try to limit my dessert intake. That’s definitely the hardest to stick to ;)
Health concerns aside, I also learned something important about myself in the context of this year of living abroad, traveling, and new experiences. One night, sitting at home while my friends were out salsa dancing, I found myself in a particularly bad place. Put simply, I was suffering from FOMO (for non-millennials, that stands for "Fear of Missing Out" :) ). But it was more than just the disappointment of missing out, the severity of my reaction felt disproportionate to the cause. After cancelling my trip to San Sebastian, I was forced to confront the true reason that missing out had me so undone. I realized that somehow amidst all these new experiences, fun, and socializing -- which I had thought was me growing and living and connecting with others and being brave and open -- I had lost touch of my self. On an subconscious level, I think I was afraid that if I wasn't having all the experiences, I wasn't doing this year "right".
After defeatedly returning home from the train station and emptying the suitcase I had packed just hours before, I decided to take a walk through Montjuic -- a beautiful park located just beyond my back door that I had somehow failed to explore during my first month in Barcelona. Winding my way through the gardens, the smell of Jasmine and late-afternoon golden light flooding my senses, I felt a sense of gratitude for the way the weekend had unfolded. This marked a turning point for me -- I journaled for the first time in weeks, re-established some healthy habits, and grounded myself in knowing that there is no "right" or "wrong" way for me to live out this year of my life; there is only learning. The universe had come through for me again -- with a little bit of tough love this time!
Gardens at Montjuic. If you look through the trees on the left you can tell that there is also an incredible view of the whole city!
More of the gardens.