Life update!
An impromptu swim in Lake Willoughby, VT - where generations of my family have lived. This was during a period of heavy grief and anxiety but jumping in the lake brought me a brief moment of aliveness.
Five months ago I made the big decision to quit my job, temporarily move into my mom’s place, and pursue a soul-led career. Although I had been aching for change for many years, I was shaken into action upon learning that my dad now has stage IV lung cancer. After two months of heavy grief, it finally hit me on my last night of a dance training trip in Mexico City, laying alone in a hotel room as I tried to convince my shaking, nauseous body that I was OK. Between waves of anxiety, a quiet voice delivered a clear message: I can not go another day living this life. At this point, there is nothing worth giving up my sense of authenticity, alignment, and pursuing my truest form of being. The time is now.
Less than two months later, I said goodbye to my beautiful Oakland apartment — the one that I had poured so much of my heart into — and Finley and I settled into my mom’s apartment in Palo Alto. The space is big and bright, and having a washing machine, dishwasher, and an outdoor patio for Finn isn’t bad either. I live just 5 minutes from my dad and we enjoy frequent dinners and jam sessions. I am very fortunate to have this transitional home as I sort out my next steps.
Although I planned to work until March to save some money, when the new year came around I knew I was done. Nothing was worth my sense of alignment and truth. At this point I found myself really having to lean into trust — trusting my future self to figure out a way to earn money, trusting the universe to illuminate the right opportunities at the right times, and trusting my connections with friends, family, and self to be my safety net when things inevitably get tough.
A few days before I took the leap, a dear friend said to me, “It’s like you’re crossing a river. Right now, all you can see is that first stepping stone. You have to take that step, and trust that in doing so, the next stepping stone will reveal itself.”
I still don’t see the whole path across the river. But after taking that first step, and now a second and a third, I’m beginning to trust the process to unfold exactly the way it should.
Does the process know I’m trusting it?!?!! Who knows, lol. But I will say it hasn’t let me down yet — and that’s through all sorts of “non-traditional” life choices such as taking time off during college, working as a horse trainer, traveling solo for over a year, and leaving tech to pursue a master’s in social work. I certainly have “taken the long way” (this song by The Chicks has been my anthem for over a decade!) but I’m so proud of the woman I’ve become — the one that trusts her intuition, that shows up for her friends and family, and is weaving a deeply and passionately soul-led, albeit very windy path through life :)